I’ve been thinking of making this blog a bit more dynamic by spicing it up with some video. I got a great movie a couple of weeks back of Broken furiously pawing in his stall. When I downloaded it and played it on my computer I had to turn my head sideways to look at it. I had filmed it in portrait mode and it played back in landscape. Simple you might say – just rotate it. I sought help from my next-door neighbour, an IT expert, who finally succeeded in rotating it, but now Broken was really bugggered. He was stretched out sideways like a salami sausage, but still furiously pawing. At least I didn’t have to turn my head. So this week I have realized it would be simpler not to turn the camera on its side but just shoot the movie in landscape mode. I got a great video of Padawan Star pawing in his stall but when I tried to upload it the website had a heart attack. The movie was 16 MB and the maximum allowable is 7 MB. My movie was only 5 seconds long, but obviously the resolution was too high. I learnt a long time ago that when all else fails – read the manual. So I’ve done some reading and I am now totally primed to shoot low res movies. A dynamic blog will soon appear!

A quiet day at Flemington, with the grey skies and creeping cold a reminder that my season is quickly coming to an end. I was watching the two-year-olds out the back when an unidentified chestnut started pigrooting. One of my basic rules of horse watching is that a horse must keep four feet on the ground. So anything that bucks, kicks, rears, pigroots, or otherwise removes itself from terra firma is a definite no bet. Obviously, this means that I have no interest in jumps racing. But let’s hope that Racing Victoria doesn’t over-react to the freak accident at Warrnambool and impose any draconian restrictions on horse watchers. When Banna Strand jumped a two metre high fence into the crowd at Warrnambool we realized that racing is dangerous not only for horses and jockeys, but for spectators too! Watching racehorses can be a risky business. A frightened horse on the loose is a dangerous and unpredictable thing. Hey, horse watchers, be careful out there!

Also, I have been paying a bit more attention to feet and shoes since my meeting last year with Peter Strafford, the racecourse farrier. I have been trying for some time to get a decent photo of shock-shod shoes, glue-on shoes and bar plates. It’s a tricky task as the plate is only exposed for a millisecond as the hoof flicks up. But today I managed to fluke an action shot of a bar plate on Niblick. Bar plates must be a negative if all that metal is needed to hold the hoof together, as well as the extra few grams the horse must cart around the track. I know for sure that I don’t like running around with lead in my boots! So I decided to lay Niblick for the place and offered a generous $1.80 with the tote showing $1.60, but my bet wasn’t matched. The horse finished on for fourth, missing third by a whisker. The plates probably made the difference!

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Did you watch the wedding? All that pomp and circumstance? Just magnificent. And I’m a republican! The black horses – how good were they? The spiffy uniforms, the crowds, the beautiful bride, the  kiss. And what about Mrs Middleton, the bride’s mother?  Wow!  The best hat was clearly Princess Beatrice’s number, variously described as a “uterus and fallopian tubes” or a “creature from Dr Who”. But she had a lot of competition from the burnt out sparklers poking out of Posh Spice’s head, and a hat as big as a one-day cricket sombrero atop Earl Spencer’s wife. Our own Quentin was prominent in post-box red and our Julia looked, well, Australian, with her homage to The Dish at Parkes clinging to the side of her head. But the most amazing thing about all this royal hooplah is that you can bet on it. The odds on the colour of the Queen’s outfit were 11/8 for yellow, 7/1 for purple and then 10/1 or better for the rest, with black at 100/1. The bookies have certainly got inside information when the Queen duly shows up in canary yellow. You could bet on Prince Harry being too drunk to finish his speech (25/1) and whether the royal car would break down in front of the abbey. But my favourite was the odds on Prince Philip falling asleep during the church service, which were slashed from 40/1 to 8/1. Phil is a fabled practical joker and so the bookies were worried that he might fake it!

Back to real life at Caulfield where it is a straw hat day with a firm track and a balmy 25 degrees. Very little to report. Black Caviar’s brother Moshe is trying to redeem himself after being pulled out at the barrier last time. He still looks a bit ordinary and his ears suggest that he is feeling a bit tentative. A moderate run three lengths from the winner. It must be hard being the brother of someone famous. My first bet is on Annlea in the fifth who gets up in a blanket finish at $2.50 the place. In the seventh I don’t like Thorn Park much, who has been plagued with leg problems. I try to photograph Robbie Griffiths applying the bandages but there’s too much sun. Bandages – they don’t inspire confidence. Sandusky City, the favourite, has the quadruple gear combo of ring bit, tongue tie, nasal strip and pacifiers. That doesn’t inspire much confidence either. I’m left with Royal Ida from Happy Glen and Anteros. Royal Ida is ten years old, so it’s a no bet. Why is it that the trifecta always gets up when I squib it? And in the last I have Amaethon, from At The Heads and Wookah, and again I squib it because I can’t see a standout, and again the trifecta gets up at $838. A pity I don’t take trifectas. So only one bet for the day, but at least my eye is in.

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I’m a bit nervous as the track has been posted a Slow 6 after heavy rain in Melbourne during the week. I’m hopeless in the wet. Horses can look stunning in the yard but it doesn’t help them extract their feet from the slush. It looks like a look on day. My fears are confirmed by the time for the first race of 58.99, which is a Slow track time. In the second they run 1-37.49 for the 1600 which is a Dead/Slow time. Maybe the sun and the strong south-westerly are drying things out a bit.

Down the back it’s virtually impossible to see the horses in the stalls because of the height of the blooming roses. The recent drenching rains have caused them to reach for the sky and I didn’t bring my secateurs. Seeing as though I can’t bet and I can’t see the horses I amuse myself with some rose photography and miss the third race all together.

I’m seriously considering going home when I notice the third race time of 1-04.74, which suggests the track is a genuine Dead. I’ll stay one more. I’ve just about sorted my selections for the fourth, well there’s no hurry is there, when they jump. My should’ve, would’ve was You I Find who ran second at $5 for the place. The time again is a genuine Dead. And the track has been upgraded to an official Dead 5. A bettable track. Maybe I’ll stay.

In the fifth Niblick has the usual two strappers and looks the goods. I go for it and I am quite pleased when he streets them and the tote returns $3.40 for the place compared with the books $3. In the sixth I like Azkar of course but the tote shows $1.10 for the place which is a trifle short. The horse gets third and I’m surprised to see it pays $1.60. Nearly a bet! In the next I take a set against one of my favourite horses, Testa My Patience, who I’ve backed a couple of times. Today he looks too unsettled, a fast gait around the yard, dumping, the strapper using two hands. Flat Chat looks heaps better. I’m very pleased that my lay bet is matched at $1.50, but not so happy when Testa holds on for second to a strong Flat Chat. It’s some consolation that the tote paid $1.70 for the place, but it’s hard to live on consolation. I give the last a miss.

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There are Arabs all over Caulfield today. Human Arabs dancing outside a tent on the promenade and Arabian horses out the back in the stalls. It’s a promotion for all things Arabic. The horse, the United Arab Emirates, the food, the culture, the music. I sample some dolmades and baklava. Delicious, and I’m not arguing, but isn’t the vine leaf thing and that pastry and honey thing Greek? I’m given a free ticket in the Arabian mile race. Number 5. If I win I’ll score $20 of free drinks. Such a shame that I’m off the grog.

I don’t know much about the Arabian breed, apart from them being endurance horses. Temperament wise they appear very calm and seem to accept all the fussing going on in the stalls. Physically some of them seem very small, barely ponies, struggling to reach 14 hands. They have a very light conformation and a few need a good feed, all bones, points and ribs. Trained off. The most noticeable feature of the breed is their high tail carriage giving the impression that they are all about to dump. The start of the race is effected by dropping a tape to the ground and two of the horses immediately shy and toss their riders. I’m barracking like mad for number 5, Blakes Heaven Bombora, having its first start in a race as a 10-year-old gelding. In fact nine of the 11 starters are having their first race start. But the easy winner is Franshar Park K Shar, a 14-year-old gelding who has had 14 previous starts for nine wins and five placings. Number 5 makes a late rush, but I’m quietly pleased to have backed a loser as I wouldn’t know what to do with all that grog.

I missed the first race, what with all this Arab business and the last two races were lost to rain, which swept in from the south at 1620, precisely as forecast. But I managed to squeeze in a couple of collects, one on Avionics, one of the most relaxed horses you will see, and the other on Broadcast, who I’ve backed previously for a loss, but today was a 20/1 winner.

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Winter has arrived early at Money Valley. A cold south-westerly has dispersed all the punters except for a hardy bucks party team. They go to a lot of trouble – fifteen shirts all embroidered with World Series Bucks Day 2011 logos – but it’s not really a day for short sleeves. They must be members of that obscure Scottish cricket club the Mackenzies.

A quiet day with not much action. I amuse myself trying to get a good photo on my phone of Moshe, but fail pretty miserably. The horse certainly doesn’t have the backside of his sister Black Caviar, and looks wasted in comparison . Moshe kicks out in the barrier and gets his off hind leg caught over the back gate. The stewards pull him out and I cop a bit of heckling for upsetting the horse with my persistent photography. Like A Guest didn’t look in the mood for racing either, with ears well and truly back.

The highlight of the day was My Emotion in Race 6. The horse propped on the track and absolutely refused to go forward, despite the insistence of the strapper, two and then three clerks, and the jockey vigorously using the persuader. Eventually the jockey dismounted and the horse trotted forward. The jockey hopped on and the horse halted! After several more attempts the horse finally got going riderless and J Maskiell managed to get aboard. The Mackenzies loved it and broke out in cheers. I was too busy watching all this to worry about laying it! The horse finished tailed off ten lengths last. Do you think this horse resented the nose roll?

Betting wise, I backed one loser Pontiana and two placed horses, Johnny Fiasco and Akzar, for an OK average day. I tried to lay Big Spirit for the place at $1.70 but wasn’t matched. The horse tossed off the jockey (Airborne Jockey!) on the way to the barrier. TVN didn’t pick it up so I thought I might have some inside running. These sorts of horses are likely to miss the jump. As it turned out Big Spirit fell out of the barrier but ended up in front and led all the way for a strong win.

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Oh, the pleasure and the pain. I’m there nice and early for Race 1 – the two-year-olds. Horse watchers have a serious advantage in these races with little or no exposed form. I have taken an exception to the favourite, Rockshaft, who is bouncing around the mounting yard in a state of high arousal and is sweating copiously behind, despite the cold. The strapper is struggling to contain the horse. I’m keen to lay this horse as he’s showing $1.20 for the place on the tote. I’m also keen to back the Sheik’s horse Kuhreihen, who is lobbing around the yard in a very relaxed state of mind. It looks like a back and lay race. I back Kuhreihen on the tote and with one minute to the jump I fire up the iPhone for the lay, and oh no, not again, that dreaded message from iBetmate: “This product requires a funded account”. How can that be? There must be some mistake? I try it again but of course the horses jump. Kuhreihen powers home for second at $2.80 for the place and the favourite struggles into fourth. Oh, the pleasure and the pain.

Race 2. Time to take stock. A deep breath. My account can’t have been hacked and cleaned out, can it? I have faced this problem before. If there is no activity on your Betfair account for three months iBetmate won’t work. But the app seems to only recognise your UK wallet and not the Australian wallet as your Betfair account. I remember that last time this was fixed by transferring one dollar from the Aussie wallet into the UK wallet. So I login in to the main Betfair site to check my account and transfer the one dollar. Oh, no! How can that be? A balance of $0.00? I must have been hacked! So much for laying horses today!

Race 3. It is deserted out the back. There’s only one desperate watching them in the parade ring. Everyone must be at the other races, the Grand Prix. And another possible lay, of course, with Frenetica far too frantic for my taste.  Frenetica finishes fourth.

Race 4 and Ariarni has the nose roll. It reminds me of last Wednesday out at Sandown when an out of control Follonica appeared with a nose roll, my favourite no-no. This horse had been restless in her stall, kicking out, resisting the strapper and jockey, and taken in hand by the clerk. I layed it at $1.52 for the place but the bet was not matched despite plenty of action at $1.53. Too greedy! The stewards noted that “Follonica jumped in the air as the start was effected” and questioned Craig Williams about his riding of the horse. Craig replied that the horse was always awkward and reluctant to race inside other horses, and furthermore, in his opinion, the horse resented the nose roll! And today I can’t even lay Ariarni! Marheta has the ear muffs, but they look like helicopter blades, or maybe the muff fitting department at Myers didn’t have the right size. But the Cat’s Pyjamas certainly looks the bee’s knees and duly salutes at $2.50 for the place.

In Race 5 Testa My Patience is a standout and is showing $1.80 on the books and $2.20 on the tote with one minute to go. I go for the tote and the good thing returns a disappointing $1.60 for the place. That is a serious crunch. The win price went from about $7.00 to $4.40 in the last 50 seconds. That’s pretty serious too. It really makes you wonder if someone is getting on after the jump.

In Races 6 and 7 I have the winning favourites on top, but too short to back for the place.

So, come the last, Race 8, the get out stakes, my eye is on fire and I’m sitting on three out of three. I like the longshot La Fanastique, at over $6.00 the place. What a let down. The horse is pulled up and finishes tailed off last by 45 lengths. How could I get it so wrong? And how I hate having a winning day and then going home on a loser.

Oh, the pleasure and the pain.

Postscript: Home to urgently check the Betfair account. Whew!  All still there and I transfer the one dollar. I still don’t understand why I couldn’t do that at the track. Fire up the iBetmate, and it is all systems go. I allow myself a brief lamentation – oh, the opportunities lost – all for the sake of one dollar.

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Where is everybody? I know summer is over, but it’s still too early to toss it in for winter. I suppose all the good horses and all the beautiful people have headed off to Sydney. The bookies ring has been cleared and the horse stalls are deserted. I don’t really know why. Autumn in Melbourne is the best time of year. The weather here is beautiful, mild and sunny, and Sydney can only offer rain and beaten favourites. At least there’s plenty of room to move around.

A quiet day with nothing remarkable to report. The most interesting thing I saw was the gear combination on the Hayes horse Our Makai. My pet aversion is the nose roll and on this horse it was coupled up with pacifiers. You’d have to wonder what the horse could actually see! Sensory deprivation! The stewards report noted that “Our Makai over-raced in the early stages”.

Four bets, which is quite a few for me. Three placed horses – Galbraith, Wind Shear and Seduced, and one loser, Broadcast. A pretty good day.

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It’s all Black Caviar. Even people who have no interest in racing are wondering if the mare will make it ten out of ten. Me, myself, personally, well I’m not too fussed. I can’t bet on the race as the $1.04 place divvy means that if I backed 25 winners and one loser at those odds I’d still be just square. Insane. But if the horse brings more people to the races then that’s a good thing, even if I don’t understand it. So I pin on my badge with bemused pride.
The mare is relaxed out the back, doing plenty of laps, and is unfazed by the infernal noise from the Top Gear show at the showgrounds next door. I’m told that the crowd there is even bigger than the crowd here at Flemington. The weather is tropical – hot and steamy – slightly different conditions from this day last year, if you recall. If not, enter Super Saturday into the Search box for a refresher!

The mare has them on toast and wins by three lengths, easing down on the line. Simply too good. A tick outside the track record. I pick up my free photo on the way home. I  think I’ll frame it. Or may be I could sell it on eBay?

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I have two parties today. The members’ cocktail party at 11 am and my aunt’s 90th birthday party at 3 pm. Somehow in between all this fun I have to fit in the Australian Guineas.

The cocktail party is most excellent with delicious egg and bacon rolls. And there is ample refreshment, except I’m off the grog at the moment, and it makes a grown man cry to see all that temptation lined up. I quit the party early to check out the two-year-olds instead.

Mourayan is walking around the parade ring and looks in good nick. I first saw this horse back in September when he had his first start here along with fellow import Alandi. Alandi didn’t fire a shot and was sent back home, but Mourayan has shown something. I keep him in mind. Of the two-year-olds I like Fortune Of War, and in a blanket finish the horse somehow manages to grab third.

There are only five runners in the second and I cross them all out except for Mourayan and the favourite Anudjawun. I love these small fields. The place dividend for second is often way over the odds. And Mourayan just manages to hold out the favourite for second and pays a remarkable $3.40. The next three races go to good looking favourites, Dubleanny, King Diamond and Aloha, and suddenly, it’s 3.30, and I’m late, I’m late, I’m late.

A battle through heavy traffic and I arrive in the nick of time for the speeches. There must be over a hundred people here. My absence hasn’t been noted, has it? 90! Now there’s a good age. And delicious scones, vanilla slice and lemon tea cake. My penance for being late is to stack up all the chairs in the church hall.

I’m told Shamrocker won the Guineas. And I’m told Rebel Soldier, the multi-million dollar import that I photographed last week has been gelded, after putting one of David Hayes’s lads in hospital. Hayes said that the horse was going to kill someone unless he acted. Watch out for that white eye!

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A beautiful, almost perfect day for racing. Warm, a Good 3 track, not too crowded, despite all the free tickets and all the good horses on show. I’m pretty much resigned to not being able to back Sepoy or More Joyous since I’m a place punter and $1.04 is a little bit short.

In the Futurity More Joyous looks as close to perfection in a horse as I’ve seen and I declare her to be a sure thing. But Who-be, who looked stunning out the back with matching strapper, pushes the mare to the line. There’s a tremendous roar for Who-be when he looks likely to overhaul her, but enormous relief for odds-on punters when he just falls short.

In the Diamond Sepoy just looks a class above them. Out the back he was showing me some lip with the flehmen display, a minor cause for concern, and he was slightly more unsettled in the yard than the last two times, flicking his ears and changing his stride. But he’s simply too good.

In the St George I was interested to watch the performance of Rebel Soldier, who has a reputation for an evil temperament, but today is as quiet as a lamb. I love his Trigger good looks, with the stallion chain and hint of a white eye a reminder to be careful! The horse finished tailed off last.

Only two bets for the day. Sayahailmary pinched a break and never looked likely to miss the place at $3.00, but I gave some back on Mont Fleuri. The horse did nothing in the last, even though it was a race for mares, my favourite class of race. I hate going home on a loser, especially when it has been such a good day.

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