Did you watch the wedding? All that pomp and circumstance? Just magnificent. And I’m a republican! The black horses – how good were they? The spiffy uniforms, the crowds, the beautiful bride, the  kiss. And what about Mrs Middleton, the bride’s mother?  Wow!  The best hat was clearly Princess Beatrice’s number, variously described as a “uterus and fallopian tubes” or a “creature from Dr Who”. But she had a lot of competition from the burnt out sparklers poking out of Posh Spice’s head, and a hat as big as a one-day cricket sombrero atop Earl Spencer’s wife. Our own Quentin was prominent in post-box red and our Julia looked, well, Australian, with her homage to The Dish at Parkes clinging to the side of her head. But the most amazing thing about all this royal hooplah is that you can bet on it. The odds on the colour of the Queen’s outfit were 11/8 for yellow, 7/1 for purple and then 10/1 or better for the rest, with black at 100/1. The bookies have certainly got inside information when the Queen duly shows up in canary yellow. You could bet on Prince Harry being too drunk to finish his speech (25/1) and whether the royal car would break down in front of the abbey. But my favourite was the odds on Prince Philip falling asleep during the church service, which were slashed from 40/1 to 8/1. Phil is a fabled practical joker and so the bookies were worried that he might fake it!

Back to real life at Caulfield where it is a straw hat day with a firm track and a balmy 25 degrees. Very little to report. Black Caviar’s brother Moshe is trying to redeem himself after being pulled out at the barrier last time. He still looks a bit ordinary and his ears suggest that he is feeling a bit tentative. A moderate run three lengths from the winner. It must be hard being the brother of someone famous. My first bet is on Annlea in the fifth who gets up in a blanket finish at $2.50 the place. In the seventh I don’t like Thorn Park much, who has been plagued with leg problems. I try to photograph Robbie Griffiths applying the bandages but there’s too much sun. Bandages – they don’t inspire confidence. Sandusky City, the favourite, has the quadruple gear combo of ring bit, tongue tie, nasal strip and pacifiers. That doesn’t inspire much confidence either. I’m left with Royal Ida from Happy Glen and Anteros. Royal Ida is ten years old, so it’s a no bet. Why is it that the trifecta always gets up when I squib it? And in the last I have Amaethon, from At The Heads and Wookah, and again I squib it because I can’t see a standout, and again the trifecta gets up at $838. A pity I don’t take trifectas. So only one bet for the day, but at least my eye is in.

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